Gosh, I hate Twitter so much. That’s a lie. I love it. The perfect toxic relationship. Delete, reinstall, delete, reinstall, freeze, unfreeze, freeze, unfreeze. The only thing that comes close to this relationship is playing FIFA with the Legendary AI. Waaa! That gets me soooo mad.
Like hizi last-minute worldies from team kama Sheffield sasa ni BS gani! Hata haiwezi happen hivo in real life!
Then he hits restart match furiously.
I recently got a notification it’s my sixth twitterversary there. So I’m a professional people! Here comes that broken record “It wasn’t always like this. We were actually great together at the beginning”. I remember back in high school, I used to lobby my mates to join that app.
Everything you see this week; we saw last week. Hizi your memes tulishaona kitambooo!
I think had 14 followers over there then. Yoh, Raz and jabz what followers were we on?That teenage number, by the way, was a great source of pride.
Huko si IG aty followers ni kama mbengu. Hizo ndio the real streets. Ukipata kumi we ni G.
Funnily enough, I still find all those hype statements to be true for the most part. I see some celebrities huko wakistragooo to get 50 likes on a tweet yet on Instagram they have thousands of likes on their posts. KOT hainanga huruma. Facts on facts. The times I see the most reactions are when there is a roast fest in the comments. No mercy! They get me up and shouting. I remember one where somebody commented on a certain local celeb’s spicy photo (lemme not say her name; though if you ask I’ll probably crack). He said that she had an overdose of celestamine design matiti zake zimedoze. Now is not the time to be a body activist. The audacity and extremity make it funny. And, this is why you should send your profanities to your guy’s dms instead of posting them on socials where any creep can see them. That’s part of their(boyfriends) job description: to absorb your nudes so we don’t have to. At this point, it isn’t a surprise why my phone battery complains about that app’s power consumption.
And if you’re a sports fan… umm, sorry troll! Twitter got you baby! All the latest Harry Maguire epic fails as fresh as morning air.
Politics, news, science; all the less violent options. I actually got the idea to use Medium from Twitter. Riri’s pregnancy, twitter-heads knew it from the jump! It’s always in real-time fam. So I need it! I need that app. Maybe I don’t need need it like that but you get what I mean.
Why then?
Why then do I hate it?
They made me hate it! It’s their fault!
On Twitter, actually on social media, you do not control what you see. The degree of what you control is variable from one app to the other but in all of them, they have you on a kind of leash. What appears on your feed or timeline is decided by an algorithm coded to display content based on your recent searches/activity and, this is the more important part, what content is marketable/ trending that time cycle. Every millisecond, these algorithms are working, asking themselves what should they show you today to ensure you stick there an extra five, ten, fifteen minutes. After all, the longer you spend there the more money they stand to make. But of them all, Twitter is the one that went to town with that philosophy. If you are a person who updates their apps, you’ll notice Twitter updates are released weekly. Among the latest updates, there is a feature that enables you to check how much interaction your tweet is getting. Basically, how much a tweet is being seen. How many times a picture is being clicked. How many times a video is being watched. And that’s how they get you! They know what’s hot and will show it to you whether you like it or not.
On Twitter, actually on social media, you do not control what you see. The degree of what you control is variable from one app to the other but in all of them, they have you on a kind of leash. What appears on your feed or timeline is decided by an algorithm coded to display content based on your recent searches/activity and, this is the more important part, what content is marketable/ trending that time cycle. Every millisecond, these algorithms are working, asking themselves what should they show you today to ensure you stick there an extra five, ten, fifteen minutes. After all, the longer you spend there the more money they stand to make. But of them all, Twitter is the one that went to town with that philosophy. If you are a person who updates their apps, you’ll notice Twitter updates are released weekly. Among the latest updates, there is a feature that enables you to check how much interaction your tweet is getting. Basically, how much a tweet is being seen. How many times a picture is being clicked. How many times a video is being watched. And that’s how they get you! They know what’s hot and will show it to you whether you like it or not.
Someone who follows five people will have a homepage full of feed just like someone following three thousand people. I find their phrasing of it funny.” Based on recent activity this is a suggestion.” “So and so follow this person [attaches a post]”. Twitter is so mad. If someone else likes their own private content, that’s what you’ll see in your feed. How is that even your business?!
Human beings! Aargh! You know what they like. Filthy creatures. They have made Twitter an app you can’t open in public. Unascroll kidogo kidogo pyaaaa! Embarrassment. Let me see what’s on there now and put it up as an example… umm there we go. Wait, I haven’t read the terms and policies of this platform so I should probably keep it… tamed.
Yeah, so I can’t show how that thread ends but you can catch my drift.Usizoom sana atapata strechmarks.
I come on there to see Kenyans ripping the government for this sim card nonsense and I get nyash! I mean, there was a time as a teenager I didn’t mind, but now I am grown. I don’t need this! Twitter might make the hub obsolete at this rate if it hasn’t already!
Big ups to YouTube where they at least have some dignity. Not only in what you can show but also what you say. We need that. Society needs that. I like Instagram too. There, I can at least mind my own business. When I hit that You’re All Caught Up I’m outta there! It’s a choice to go to that search section. They don’t bring what’s on there on my timeline so am cool. But to Youtube and Instagram, you should probably know:
